Friday, April 8, 2011

You pose a moderate degree of danger to the public. And me.


It began with long awkward glances stolen in the office hallways - harmless, I thought. The more I ran into you, the more comfortable you became talking to me. Soon enough you began to awkwardly compliment me on my looks. I tried my best to avoid you, but then you started showing up at my office door looking to chat. At that point, Valentine’s Day was on the horizon; you wanted to take me out on the town. Luckily, I was out of the office the week leading up to the holiday and was able to avoid your advances. Upon my return, I learned you had been let go. That you had lied to the staffing agency. That you were a level two sex offender. This means you are guilty of: 

Engaging In Sexual Activity With A Person 12 To 15, Or Encouraging, Forcing, Or Enticing A Person Under 16 To Engage In Sadomasochistic Abuse, Sexual Bestiality, Prostitution, Or Any Other Act Involving Sexual Activity. 

 
Two weeks later you decided to drop me a line at the office. Directed to my voicemail, you left a message explaining that you missed me, and left me your number so that we could catch up. Catch up on what exactly? How your sexual preferences have shifted to a slightly older demographic?"